Talk to the head, talking about conflict

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Often when we are faced with conflict, how we respond can effect our lives forever. Do you  hope that if you let things die down, things can be sorted out later. I can attest to living by that very idea. But in reality the best time to resolve conflict is in the immediate.

Can you count on one hand right now five situations that you wished you had addressed right away but feel like it is too late. Do you see the need to change the way you deal with conflict. I encourage you to read the book of 2 Samuel and see the toll conflict took on the Kingship of David. Time and again trouble arose but King David did not address the source.

We read an example in 2 Samuel 20. There is a great truth in this story because the wise woman, the main character tells us. She says, “There is a saying in ancient times, Go to Abel for the truth in a matter.”  We can learn a great deal about how wisdom deals with a problem that is about to get out of hand.

Abel was a city that was harboring a fugitive in the time of King David. The rebellion of Absalom was just put to rest and now Sheba has taken men and called them to follow himself against the King as well. Joab, the captain of David’s army, in pursuit to the city, is called to the wall by a wise woman of the city of Abel.

Joab tell her of the fugitive hiding in her city, and its promised destruction if he is not surrendered. Being wise she promises to solve the problem without delay, and she delivers, sending the head of the offender over the wall, post haste. Don’t miss the point here. What seem brutal is actually a parallel the counter to David’s responses in every relationship conflict in his kingdom. We can look all the way back from Bathsheba to Amnon and see there was a serial habit of not dealing with the head of conflict. In the case of Bathsheba, delayed repentance and lack of surrender to consequences led to murder and death. When Amnon raped his sister, David did not respond with a swift and immediate punishment. Failure to deal with the situation sealed rebellion in the heart of Tamar’s brother Absalom, who murdered Amnon in front of all of his brothers.

This account in 2 Samuel is also a parable to us. How are we going to deal with conflict. Will we destroy wise counsel as Joab intended by tearing down the city of Abel for one man, or are we going to deal head on with individual conflicts with wisdom and counsel. Minimizing casualties was the wise woman’s concern and it should be our concern today as well. How many times have I snapped at my kids, when a conflict in my head was about a totally separate situation. There are always casualties in conflict, but if we choose to be wise with our words and be direct with the truth in love, we can heal and grow stronger relationships without causing pain to others.

I challenge you to think about the way you handle conflict. Are you direct? Are you loving? Have you let situations get out of control because of lack of response from yourself.

Let us seek God’s wisdom in how to handle a small situation today and trust him with the outcome. We might not always like conflict and it might be painful, but you can not grow without walking in truth in your relationships.