If Only…

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These words are the rally cry of the discontent, the co-dependent, and the depressed.  I was in a relationship (a million years ago) that gave me a serious case of the “if only’s”.  If only my boyfriend was in better health, we would be happy. If only my underage self could hang out at the bar with him, we would be happy. If only I did not wear the shoes he hated, we could be happy. The list was exhaustive and exhausting.  I found that for every fix, there was a new obstacle to our happiness. The conclusion was that our unhappiness was a permanent condition. I was not a healthy girl back then. When I was not healthy I had a tendency to make poor choices about life. I’ve observed that most people also tend to surround ourselves with people that are also, equally unwell.

Just a few years later and in a healthy relationship I looked back and shook my head at some of the miseries I put myself through. As a stable (see: covered by Jesus) woman, I could see how much wasted time I spent trying to solve a problem that plainly should not have been a part of my life. I made choices and lived out the consequences, to my own hurt. I can shake my fist at only myself. I thought I knew what I wanted and in pursuit of it I left behind my friends and family, seeking my own way. It did not end well. The last few years of what should have been my childhood were squandered and wasted in my plan to grow up my way.

Reading in the book of Chronicles, I see that ancient Israel had a plan to grow up their own way as well. They looked around and saw that every other great Kingdom had a King leading them. In their own eyes they had fallen behind the times. This Ark was no longer adequate to head the parade. They wanted a man, not an invisible God, to represent them. They wanted a great man to lead their armies into battle. They basically wanted the jeans every other kid was wearing. 

Samuel was God’s mouth piece, speaking to the people in the Old Testament, so God instructed Samuel to tell the people all of the things a King would require of them. A king would take their strongest men for his army, the best horses for his stables, and their daughters for servants in his house, their lands for vineyards and so on. The people replied that they did not care about the long term costs, they saw today only, and just like children they cried “If only” before the God of heaven.  If we had a king, our neighbors would stop harassing us, we would be respected, if only, if only…

Up until this time they had God as their “King of Kings.” He led them. He defended them. He nurtured and protected His people, when the people followed and obeyed Him, they had peace and no enemy could defeat them, but like children, they thought they knew a better way. They cried out for a king and God gave them one.

Sometimes God lets us have what we want; the problem is we don’t always want His best, we want our plan. 

I saw this just a few weeks ago when my sons wanted to take the test to get their drivers permit. I was glad to take them over there, but I asked them to read the book first. Every time they mentioned taking the test, I would respond, “Did you read the book?” They were sheepish at first, saying they would find the book and read it, but after a few more rounds they grew prideful. They knew they did not need to read the book. They just needed a ride to take the test. One fateful day their Dad was home early enough to take them over for the test. I waited at home hoping for the best, but knowing all too well that they had not taken time to read and study. As I suspected, they both came home empty handed. 

Why did I let them go? Why didn’t I get the book out and quiz them? As a loving parent, I do not want my kids to fail. But if they do fail I want to allow them to fail now, while the collateral damage is still small. The price for ignorance and pride only gets higher the older you get. I want my boys to learn to trust my wisdom. I want them to see that I want what is the very best for them, and sometimes that means letting them see the fruit of ignorance.

Why did God allow Israel to set a King in the place of Himself? Because they wanted their own way. He gave them exactly the king that they expected. Striking, powerful, skilled and director like. And when they had had enough of their kind of king, God chose a young shepherd boy named David. So unking like that his own family forgot he was out in the fields when Samuel came calling for supper.

God will let you choose the path for your life. He will even redeem squandered years as He has for myself, but he can not erase the consequence of sin. Sin always destroys, separates and kills. I lost years, Israel lost their divine protection, Saul lost his life, even David lost his first child, all because they thought “If only I had…” 

Build your trust on God’s word, and if it seem as though God had abandoned you, let me encourage you, He is never far off.

Samuel 7:3 …If you are really serious about wanting to return to the Lord, put away you false idols and sin. Determine to obey only the Lord; then He will rescue you… 

2 Chronicles 7:14  then if my people will humble themselves and pray, and search for me, and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear them from heaven and forgive their sins and heal their land.

That might seem like you’ve got to get it together, or be holy,  but the truth is the turning to Him and seeking after Him is all God is looking for you to do. He will set everything else in motion to bring you to Himself if you just answer His call.