Regarding Gratitude and Regrets

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We all had our Holiday events and I hope you had chance to practice gratitude and truly step back and love the people around you.

So the follow up question is, What would you change?

The best thing about Christmas being right around the corner from Thanksgiving is the fact that we can do some real action in our relationships. I had a hard phone call this Thanksgiving. A guest wanted to come over for dinner but there some very large unresolved issues with the company I had already invited. This member of the family wanted to reconnect. Holidays do that, they stir up the feelings that could otherwise lay dormant all year long. We all long to be a part of a bigger group, a family, a community. As I told my sweet caller, this is a great thing. Feeling isolation is the first step toward reconciliation.

Did you feel a stirring to connect in your heart this Thanksgiving?

What do you do now?

You have this month to make some connections. Reach out and begin whatever repairs that need to be made. We are all human, we hurt people and we fall short of expectations constantly. Sometimes we royally screw up. We pick the wrong friends, we break hearts and we fall down, but the beauty of the human condition is our capacity to forgive, to learn, to grow up and apply what we have learned. Always be brave and do the right thing, even when the other person might not be in the right completely. Speak out of your heart and be honest.

What if the people you wish to connect with aren’t emotionally available or are not in our lives any longer?

There are times that the person you find your self missing is so toxic that reconnecting is not safe or wise. It can leave us feeling isolated and rejected. I had this experience a few years ago. I found myself with one girlfriend after our church closed. In our rural community, members traveled about 40 miles for services and when the church closed it slowly became clear that our little family was breaking up. It was devastatingly sad. I was angry and hurt and lonesome. It took nearly 2 years for us to begin the search for a new church home, but the center of that search was the need for fellowship. I needed people. I needed community and support. Homeschooling ten kids and having a restaurant is very stressful at times and I needed people around us that could encourage us. I needed people that could just say they liked me and my kids, when I did not like us very well. I had to take action to do that.  If you found over the holiday that you were alone and you did not like it, take responsibility for you and begin to looks for people that you would like to get to know. A local community church is a good place. A small group bible study can also be a great place to get to know a smaller group of people more intimately.

If you are lacking the deeper connections you desire, don’t wait for another holiday to pass you by.

Begin by reaching out to the people you love. Reach out to the people that love you, if you hurt them, make it right. If you need to work on your feelings find an emotionally healthy, trustworthy friend and ask them to be a sounding board for you. Be gut wrenchingly honest with yourself and the people around you. You will never feel deeply connected to others until you can be honest with and about yourself.

At the heart of gratitude is being honest and truthful, being open to love and vulnerable to feelings. I hope that you find yourself braver than you ever have been before, because you are deeply loved and highly valued and are worthy of deep and satisfying relationships.

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