Shattering Negative Body Image

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I remember my terrible struggle with body image. I was always looking for reassurance of my worth from outside sources. It caused me endless heartbreak as a teen. I thought that getting married and being in a loving committed relationship would make me suddenly secure about myself. I will never forget the day my husband teased me about my habit of checking myself in every mirror I passed.  It was no joke, it was a serious observation. It opened my eyes to a much bigger problem. I was still struggling with knowing my self worth.

I felt like a dark secret was being told out loud.

It was true, I looked, I was compelled to look. I told myself that I just needed a peek to assure that I was not walking around with smudged eyes or a gut not sucked in, but in reality I was always searching my reflection for flaws.

I was my own worst keeper.

Why? because I never had anything good to say about the girl in the reflection and I told her constantly. My own self dialog was keeping me in insecurity. My husband’s comment was an awakening. I was stuck in this circle of self dissatisfaction and I was the only one keeping me there.

I was determined to break this self destructive habit of endless checking and criticism. I knew it was going to take some drastic changes to stop such engrained habits. I spent the next few years like count Dracula, avoiding all reflective surfaces. I vowed to not get sucked back into the habit of endlessly reviewing myself for flaws. It was a cold turkey program, and it was a struggle. It takes determination to break any habit. Even though checking yourself out in the mirror might seem like a small and trivial habit, it was my negative reactions and deep insecurity that were at the root, and those were not trivial, they were killing my hope and joy.

My insecurities were driving me to stay unhealthy. My husband was right in his concern. If I could not be secure in my own skin, how long would his word be good enough to assure me of my beauty and worth. It was a horrible thought to face as a newlywed, madly in love, that you were causing your sweet husband pain by not loving the woman he loved. My insecurity would have destroyed us, as it has many others. Insecurity is a killer of relationships. Instead of running or being offended I was able to have a broken heart, and in my brokenness I listened to what my husband said and took it as a warning. I heeded that warning and made some drastic changes to my life. Twenty years later I still continue to work on my ability to love me for who I am.

If you are feeling hopeless, if you hate yourself, I know exactly where you are.  I was there. Being aware that you are in a vicious cycle was the first wake up call for me. I saw that I was causing so much of my own pain. I wanted to experience true deep love in my relationships and I could see that I would never be able to do that if I continued to carry a negative body image.

My motives were purely self centered. I wanted a happy life and I knew that the only way to have it was to nurture a healthy heart. It takes a lot of years for a beautiful healthy girl to learn to despise the body that carries her. It takes just as many to retrain her to love its strength and softness. You carry such beauty in you, even if you are unaware. But start today down the path to see it and you will never turn back the other way.

You are worthy of love. You carry greater strength that you ever imagined. You have gifts to offer the world. Don’t let those things get lost behind the image in the mirror. 

I want to share the 3 best things I have done to help me change my self-image but I want you to have time to think about each one and have a chance to give them a try in your life. If you want to subscribe to the blog you can make sure you don’t miss them or you can follow in the RSS feed as well. I will post three things over the next week and I will add links to the next post here as well.

Shattering Negative Body Image-Part 2

Today, think about how you see yourself. Think about how you talk to yourself. Do not let you heart be fooled, your negative body image is influencing other areas of your life. Can you see the damage it is causing in your life?

I can’t believe how much I have grown and how good it feels to be kind to myself. It has been a twenty year process of loving myself for who I am. I want my daughters to see every woman as a beautiful gift to the world. I want my girls and you, to know that you are so much more than you think and you are much more than just the skin you are in.